Before It's Too Late
by mrspatrickdempsey
Summary: Post 3x09: Elena had no idea of the consequences that came from a single decision. As she reflects on her life, she tries to figure out where it all went wrong in order to fix the mistakes before it's too late. Delena.
1. Counting

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, or the chapter introduction quotes. **

**Before It's Too Late**

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><p><em>Time passes. <em>

_Even when it seems impossible._

_Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse behind a bruise._

_It passes unevenly in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does._

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><p>Time.<p>

Years. Months. Weeks. Days. Hours. Minutes. Seconds.

It is rarely understood, yet always taken for granted.

_I'll have time to do it tomorrow._

Time allows the importance of expressing something to be diminished because we have the rest of our lives.

_I'll love you forever but I never tell you every day of my life._

If there is anything I learned from this life that I wish I had known before, it would always come down to the importance of time.

_I would never have to count the seconds before it would be too late._

_I would never have to count the days, knowing mine were numbered like everyone else's._

_I would never have to count the months, praying he would return to me._

_I would never have to count the years, wondering where it all went wrong._

I could have all of eternity and still it would never be enough.

_Never enough to tell him._

_Never enough to enjoy it._

_Never enough._

But I don't have eternity.

_I never even had him._

And now it's too late for me, for him, for us.

_Why did I have to count?_

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><p><strong>I'm letting the story sit on this prologue for the moment so I can gage how many people are even intrigued by what's going on.<strong>

**The first chapter is ready and will be posted in a few hours. **

**Don't be a read and runner people, reviews are love :) **


	2. Five

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, nor do I own the chapter introduction quotes.**

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><p><em>The consequences of our actions are so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.<em>

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><p>Five.<p>

Five years since we made the deal with Klaus.

It was never the best deal or plan any of us ever made, but since when did we ever have perfect plans? There was no other option, not when he stood there in front of me, my friends and family gagged and restrained by hybrids, or shot up with vervain. We never had a fighting chance, not when he knew exactly what to say and what to do to get me to cooperate…

"_So what is it going to be Elena?" Klaus asked as he venomously circled each member of my family, "Return my family's bodies to me, or watch as I murder yours?"_

_I closed my eyes and swallowed, faintly hearing my family's attempts to yell their encouragement through their gags. _

"_I've told you Klaus," I began carefully, "we don't know where they are, or even where Stefan is!" I noted the hint of desperation in my voice, "we haven't heard from Stefan since homecoming." _

_He smirked back at me, "Well that's lovely dear, but it still doesn't solve my problem now does it? I don't have my family, yet here you are surrounded by yours," he said as he gestured to them all. "Don't they all look quite healthy and _alive_, Elena?" _

_I wanted to tell him that it was his fault that his family were stuck in coffins for hundreds of years, but I decided it was better to hold my tongue. _

_Klaus grinned briefly at me before resuming his prowl between the people I cared for. He passed them all; Tyler, Caroline, Bonnie, Alaric, Jeremy… He stalked passed them many times, my heart stopping each time he returned to any of them. _

_Finally he stopped and turned back to me, "Perhaps we should even the playing field my dear, now what do you think?" Klaus walked over to the only person left of my family he hadn't yet hunted, "You hurt me. I hurt you. It's only fair."_

_In a twisted way, he had a point._

_He nodded and I watched in horror as _he_ was brought to his feet, jostling him from his vervain-induced haze._

"_What are you doing?" I screamed in fear as I stared into his piercing blue pain-filled eyes. _

"_El...Elena," _he_ whispered, "I'll be fine, don't worry" _his_ signature smirk passing briefly across his face._

"_No!" I cried, "What do you want Klaus!" _

_I tried to remain calm; I couldn't break down, not yet. _

_Klaus watched me carefully as he passed his hands dangerously across _his_ neck, smirking maliciously._

_It was too much for me to handle calmly, "What. Do. You. Want." I almost growled. _

_He answered me this time, "I already told you Elena, I want my family back."_

"_What. Else." I grinded through my teeth. _

"_Look at this!" Klaus laughed, "Little Elena figured it all out." He walked towards me slowly as he continued, "Indeed I did want something else out of this, and since you figured it out, I'll even tell you, love. I am taking you with me Elena, one way or another, you _will_ be my human blood slave to my hybrids," he ran his hand down the side of my face and winked, "Perhaps even a little more for myself."_

"_No." a low, deadly growl came from across from me, _his_ eyes so filled with hatred it almost scared me. _

"_Fine," Klaus spat at us both. Within the blink of an eye he stood next to Alaric, another blink and Alaric lay at his feet, neck broken. I brought my hands to my mouth and gasped in horror. _

"_Lucky Mr. Saltzman owns that eternity ring, isn't it Elena?" Klaus said seriously._

"_You're a monster!" I screeched, exasperated. Everything was going wrong, everything in our lives never worked for the better. We always lost something, no matter how hard we tried. _

_Klaus eyed me carefully, his eyes never leaving me as he walked back to his place beside _him_. _His_ piercing blue eyes snapped back to my chocolate ones, "Don't do anything he says Elena, no matter what he does to me, or to any of us. Stay strong. There is no need to give into his demands. We know nothing about what he wants, what would it benefit him?" _he_ tried in desperation to shake off the two hybrids with whatever strength he had left. _

"_I am getting quite tired of all this mushy desperation," Klaus interrupted, "I mean, really, this humanity thing going on is quite repulsive."_

"_Screw you, hybrid."_

_Klaus smirked and gave the slightest nod towards two of his hybrids. Before I knew what was going on, two stakes passed through _his_ body across from me. _

"_Damon!" I screamed as he cried out in pain. This was what I knew I had to avoid, mentioning his name while this all was occurring, I couldn't let myself think about who this was happening to him, it would only hurt me more. _

"_Vervain-soaked stakes," Klaus stated simply, "Must hurt like a bitch."_

_The scene playing out in front of me broke me to the core; there was no denying it any more. My friends were fighting their restraints with no luck, Alaric laid on the ground temporarily dead, and Damon. The Damon who protects me from everything, the Damon who is always there for me, the Damon who does anything I need, was now in front of me, ready to collapse. _

"_Next one goes into his heart."_

"_No!" the tears welled up, threatening to spill over, "Please, no, he did nothing wrong!"_

_I was beyond desperate; I needed to save him, to save all of them. _

"_My family," Klaus said while walking up to me, his eyes studying my own in search of something unknown._

"_I don't know where they are, Klaus! What am I supposed to do?" I cried desperately. _

_His eyes narrowed dangerously before turning away. "Say goodbye then, love." Klaus grabbed a stake from a hybrid and sped towards Damon. _

_My body reacted quicker than my mind, I found myself running towards the two men, somehow believing I could stop Klaus from killing him. I _had_ to stop Klaus from killing him, he meant too much to all of us… to me. _

"_I'll get them back!" I yelled, tears spilling down my face, "I don't know how, but I'll get them back to you, Klaus! I promise, just please don't hurt the people I love!" I prayed I wasn't too late. _

_As I reached them I saw the stake had pierced Damon's body, but it had not gone deep enough to kill him. I let out a sigh of relief, he was okay._

"_You just couldn't have decided this __before__ I was turned into a shish-kabob, now could you," Damon groaned through the little breath he had left. _

_I almost wanted to hit him. _

"_Explain." Klaus demanded as he continued to hold the stake in Damon's chest in place. _

_I took a deep breath, I hoped this would work… it needed to work… it was the only plan we had. _

"_You stay away from Mystic Falls. You stay away from Mystic Falls and I'll do everything in my power to find your family. Once I do, I'll return one body to you each year along with bags of my blood for your hybrids. You run out of blood and I'll send more, no questions asked. You will not hurt any more of my friends, they're off-limits. I'll stay in Mystic Falls so you will always know where to find me."_

"_I want them all," he growled._

"_One per year, that's what I'm offering and I can't budge Klaus," I narrowed my eyes, "It's the only way to be sure you keep true to your word."_

_He said nothing. I took another deep breath and persisted, "Do we have a deal Klaus?"_

_I prayed with everything I had while watching the half pierced stake in Damon's chest, one wrong move and he would be dead. It seemed like hours before he finally spoke again, an evil grin on his face, "Agreed."_

_I knew there was more behind his statement. What was five years wait to a 1000 year old vampire? Any master plans he had could indefinitely wait till each member of his family was returned to him._

_I didn't care though; we would deal with it when the time came._

_I blinked and he was gone, taking all of his hybrids with him. Each member of my family was no longer restrained, they rejoiced in their freedom briefly before taking care of Alaric who still lay on the ground. _

_I watched as Damon dropped to his knees, no longer able to stand up, and I rushed forward to catch him. As I sat there on the ground, removing the stakes from his body and holding him desperately, I realised what had just occurred. We were free…as free as we could be since Klaus could not be killed. We could live without worrying about who was behind us or having to come up with a plan to save our lives every other week. _

_We could live. _

_I glanced down at Damon._

_We could live. _

_A smile passed across my face, "We're going to be fine, maybe not perfect, but fine."  
><em>

…If only I knew then what I know now.

Nothing was going to be fine…the severity of my decision was not fine… and most definitely not everyone was going to be fine.

Not even close.

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><p><strong>Well here you are, chapter one! I hope it is to everyone's standards around here as I don't beta. <strong>

**Please let me know what you think, good or bad I will welcome it with open arms.**

**Don't be a read and runner people, reviews are love :)**


	3. Four

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, nor do I own the chapter introduction quotes. **

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><p><em>You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel<em>

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><p>Four.<p>

Four years since Stefan knocked on our door.

No one expected him to come back, not now after we had ruined his revenge plan with our own. He didn't ever know that I did it to save his brother; he only needed to know the gist of what had happened. He didn't contact us after we had told him, save for when he would let us know where a body was hidden so we could pass that information onto Klaus. We both missed him, Damon especially, but nothing could have been done to change the situation. We dealt with it the best we could, hoping one day he might return. We just never knew it would be so soon…

"_Elena!" Damon gasped, "Sit your ass back onto that couch or I will personally restrain you from moving from it."_

_He ushered me back to the living room, "I just wanted some orange juice," I said innocently. It was a partial truth at least; I also wondered where he had gone four minute ago._

_He rolled his eyes while sitting me on the couch and grabbing the blanket from the floor, "Do I need to remind you what happened last year while you were making your contribution to Klaus' travelling all-you-can-eat-buffet?" _

_I grimaced; no he didn't need to remind me. I had finished filling up the last blood bag and disconnected myself from the stolen contraption to find out if Damon would help me package them. I had barely made it out of the living room before my head hit the ground and Damon had to take me to the hospital. Four hours and multiple tests later I was diagnosed with a concussion and very low blood sugar, though we both knew the truth was more like very low blood volume. _

_As I returned from my thoughts, I noticed he now stood before me with a very tall glass of orange juice. _

"_Your O.J. my lady," he said as he mockingly bowed in front of me._

_I grinned sheepishly back at him, "Why thank you kind sir." I took the glass from his hand and drank deeply as he sat down beside me. _

_As I finished my glass, he took it from me and placed it on the end table before looking at me squarely in the eyes, "I don't ever want to see you hurt again because of what that monster is making you do Elena, do you hear me?" He searched my eyes, waiting for an answer._

"_You left me to fend for myself Damon, I wanted some juice and you hadn't come back from where ever you were, so I decided to just walk to the kitchen myself. I'm not an invalid."_

"_I was thirsty," he stated. _

_I looked over at the bottles of bourbon and scotch across the room, "I think you have enough alcohol just in this room to hold a house party," I mocked him. _

"_Not that kind of thirsty Elena," he said as he reached over to the end table and picked up his glass full of dark, thick liquid._

Oh_… I scrunched my nose, "I hope that's not mine," I said pointedly. _

_He smirked back at me, "Bleh, gross Elena! Who would ever want a taste of you, you probably taste disgusting!" he winked at me. _

_I laughed off his dig and settled back into the couch, "I'm going to take a nap, okay?"_

"_Sure," he smiled at me. _

_I closed my eyes and snuggled into the pillow, causing my hair to fall loosely in front of my face. I felt his fingers trace my skin lightly as he brushed the loose hair behind my ear, my traitorous mouth pulling up into a small smile from the gesture. _

_Damon and I had never been closer than we were now. We were there for each other and we cared for each other, but there was never anything more. We had an understanding of sorts; he was my best friend, but Stefan was gone, so we were the support the other person needed. Anyway I looked at it…it was all I could justify at the moment. I felt incredibly selfish every time I was with Damon because I knew that he loved me, every fiber of my body knew that, but I was almost stringing him along by only being his friend just so I never had to say goodbye. I was more confused as to what the right thing to do was every day. _

_Clearly my mind had other plans than sleeping as my thoughts began to wander now to Stefan. I still loved him and worried for him every day, but it was different now. I no longer felt lost and alone without him; I could stand on my own two feet and do the things I wanted to do without thinking about Stefan. I told him a long time ago that I wouldn't love a ghost, but I never realised how true those words were. I didn't love the ghost of his humanity anymore, not in the same way I used to. He gave up on me and he gave up on us when he left. I was no longer the ghost of the girl he left behind. _

_Giving up on sleep, I got off the couch abruptly and waited expectantly for the string of protests from Damon. When none came I quickly searched the room to find that he wasn't even in it anymore. _

"_Damon," I huffed, knowing he would hear me. I couldn't even keep track of him for four minutes._

"_Go back to sleep Elena," he responded from the hall, a hint of authority in his voice._

_Not one for being bossed around, I crept slowly and silently towards the hall. I almost burst out laughing when I thought about what I was doing; trying to sneak up on a vampire. _

"_She's here?" I heard someone whisper, and I recognized the voice. It couldn't be…_

"_Where else would she be?" Damon answered, annoyed. _

"_At home, where she belongs!"_

"_This is exactly where she belongs. This is her home, and in case you didn't notice brother, this is her house."_

_I gasped. _Oh my God. _Stefan. _

_I heard him grunt and struggle while he tried to get inside my freshly re-deeded house, but he wouldn't be able to get inside my house because the only vampires that were invited in were Caroline and Damon. I smirked briefly as I remembered how I had left Damon outside for hours as I ran through the house, exploring his room and threatening his bourbon. I paid for that dearly after I finally invited him in. _

"_Let me in Damon," I heard Stefan growl. _

"_You know I can't do that," Damon sighed. I could almost hear the eye roll I knew that followed. _

"_Go get Elena then!" he growled again, "She won't leave me out here to rot, she'll have to let me in because she has to talk to me. She owes me that much," he spat. _

_I _owed _him that much? Now he was pissing me off._

_I turned the corner and faced him for the first time in over a year. His eyes immediately softened when he saw me, but mine only narrowed. _

"_I don't _have _to do anything Stefan. I owe you nothing as far as I see, and I sure as hell am not _required_ to do anything for you against my wishes. You gave up that perk a long time ago." I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow, challenging him to rebuttal. _

_This was a lot easier than I ever thought it was going to be. When I imagined Stefan's return I saw myself crying, or maybe held up in my room refusing to talk to anyone; not face-to-face and letting my pent –up anger take over. I definitely preferred this way. _

"_This is my house!" he screamed at me as his eyes darkened and the surrounding veins became distinct. _

"_No Stefan, it's not. Not anymore. Not since you left us, and especially not when you're still acting like this."_

_He searched my eyes carefully, I'm sure he was hoping to find that I was joking, but when he only found truth, his eyes snapped to Damon. "It's because of him isn't it," he said quietly._

_I snorted, "For once Stefan, you're absolutely wrong."_

"_DON'T LIE TO ME," he yelled as he hit the doorframe, breaking it. _

"_I'm not lying Stefan," I said calmly, but I could feel my control breaking. _

"_You are!" he growled before locking eyes with me, "Tell me the truth!"_

_I could feel the pull of his compulsion wash over me, but I resisted his demands; I was drinking vervain every day. I felt betrayed that he could not even trust me enough that he had to resort to compulsion to make sure I wasn't lying. _

_The tears welled up and spilled over as my anger increased, "Get out."_

_He didn't move._

"_GET OUT!" I screamed as I ran to push him…hit him… anything to get him away from here. I never reached him though as I ran straight into Damon's hard body. _

"_Let me go!" I groaned as he wrapped his arms around me to keep me from moving as he whispered into my ear, "You step out of the protection of this house and you might not come back in one piece. I can't handle that Elena, do you understand me?"_

_After a brief moment I nodded._

"_Now I'm going to let you go as long as you stay in the house, understand?" _

_I nodded again and he released me, backing away slowly with his eyes always on me. I looked back at Stefan who now had remorse written all over his eyes._

"_I'm sorry Elena…" he trailed off._

_Clearly he was still on human blood; his mood swings were making me dizzy. _

_I walked over to him slowly. I might have calmed down, but I was still angry. I grabbed the door, "Get off my property Stefan," I said dangerously before I slammed the door in his face. _

_A moment passed. "He's gone," Damon whispered from behind me._

"_Good," I answered before my legs gave out. _

_I never hit the ground though; Damon was already by my side, like he always was. He brought us gently to the ground and held me close as I cried into his chest, my salty tears staining his shirt. _

_It felt like hours before my hysterics extinguished to only small whimpers, leaving only my tear-stained cheeks and massive headache as evidence of my breakdown. Damon left me for seconds to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I had just lost a lot of blood, and now most of my body water; I really had the ball rolling today. _

_He handed me my water and cuddled next to me once more._

"_This is even more painful than I thought," I whispered hoarsely, repeating the same words he had spoken to me last time we held each other like this._

"_Well there's still hope," he repeated my own words, "If we get Stefan off the good stuff and back to terrorizing the bunnies he can be his old self again."_

_I looked up into his eyes and he smiled at me. I sat up onto my knees and faced him, "We still have to help him Damon, but the Stefan we knew… the Stefan I knew… he's not there anymore."_

_He stared back at me, confusion in his eyes. _

"_Too much has happened for us to forget it all and act like the past two years didn't happen." I paused briefly, looking straight into his eyes, "So much has changed in everyone's lives that I don't even think it's possible to go back."_

"_Elena…" Damon began, but I cut him off as I placed my finger on his lips, it was too soon to talk about this. _

_I let my chocolate brown eyes bore deeply into his ocean blue ones, "Thank you Damon," I whispered._

"_For what?" he asked._

_I leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, answering as I pulled away, "For being here, every time I needed you."_

_I watched as he passed his fingers over where my lips had touched his cheek before I got to my feet and turned towards the stairs._

_"Goodnight Elena," he said seriously behind me._

"_Goodnight Damon," I smiled._

_Once I had reached my room, I laid on my bed for the rest of the night. Passing my fingers gently across my lips, I remembered the feeling of his skin on mine. _

...There's not much more that could be said about that day.

I will remember it always as the most important moment.

I will remember that my eyes were finally open.

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><p><strong>I'm in love with this chapter, and I hope you all are too!<strong>

**Thank you all for your reviews! They mean the world to me, and they make me want to write faster!**

**Don't be a read and runner people, reviews are love :) **


	4. Three  Part 1

**So I had planned to never split any of the years up into two parts, but unfortunately at first Elena wouldn't talk at all about what was going on. Once we figured it out though, she wouldn't shut up and she kept talking and talking and then she decided to take a certain part of the chapter in a completely different direction than originally planned. **

**I also realize I sound crazy saying that Elena was talking to me and helping me write the story but anyway…**

**I did like how it turned out either way, but I noticed I was only half way through the chapter and it was already above my average word length.**

**Due to this AND the fact that I can't really work on chapters much longer until after fall final exams, I am posting Part 1 of **_**Three**_** now (obviously) and Part 2 after my exams. Sorry for any inconvenience guys, but overall this will let you read what's happening next a lot faster!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, nor do I own the chapter introduction quotes.**

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><p><em>Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long.<em>

_We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head-on, guns blazing._

_Denial._

_It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freaking ocean._

_So how do you keep from drowning in it?_

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><p>Three.<p>

Three years since all of our mistakes.

It is fascinating how one simple event can trigger so many others within the blink of an eye. The butterfly effect; a butterfly flaps it's wings and causes a tsunami to wash away and destroy an entire village across the world. Just like that, millions of people look for the reason that everything they knew was taken away from them, but they will never know that it was the simple nature of a beautiful species that could have been so cruel.

In case someone can't figure it out I'll give a hint, my 20th birthday was the butterfly and my life became the village, but I have no one but myself to blame...

"_Caroline!" I called up the stairs, annoyed, "We're going to be late!" _

"_I'll be down in a minute, I promise!"_

_I rolled my eyes, "There's something wrong when it takes the vampire longer than the human to get ready for the human's party."_

_I turned away from the stairs and jumped when I saw Caroline standing in front of me, hands on her hips. _

"_Someone's a little anxious to get to the Salvatore boarding house," She looked at me with a knowing smile. _

"_Of course I am," I said casually, "We only have an hour to go check on Stefan and make it to the Grill on time for the party."_

_She laughed, "You were with Stefan all day. Damon on the other hand you've seen for all of three minutes when you passed off Stefan-duty to come get ready." _

_I stared blankly at her, trying to feign confusion even if I knew _exactly_ what she was getting at, "Your point?" _

_My point Elena is that you want to make sure Damon sees how sexy you look before every drunk woman at the Grill scratch each other for his attention." She said with way too much enthusiasm. _

_I felt my cheeks blush red hot as I adverted my gaze, "That has nothing to do with it." She smirked proudly as I continued, "Besides, Damon's not even coming tonight…"_

_That wiped the smirk off her face immediately, "Why not!"_

_I shrugged, "He said he would stay at home and watch over Stefan so I wouldn't worry about him somehow breaking out and attacking half the town."_

_That was how it had been for a while now since Stefan _finally_ agreed to check into the Elena & Damon Ripper Detox Luxury Suit. Between taking classes at the college, my new job at the bookstore, and my unofficial job as Ripper Sitter, I hadn't had time to do much of anything. Damon and I took shifts watching over his progress and ensuring that he ate his vegetarian animal blood meals; Damon during the day while I attended my classes, and me during the night so Damon could go out for his vampire blood errands, council duties and whatever else he needed to do. Sometimes we both stayed in for the night, but the electricity and tension oozing from our bodies was absolutely overpowering. Often feeling awkward when I remembered Stefan in the basement, I would head upstairs and go to "bed" before anything could happen. Our lives had become more about Stefan and the town's safety than anything else, and Damon surprised me that he was still going along with it. _

_Caroline had been rambling while I was lost in thought and I only caught the tail end of her words, "…I mean… it's a wonder you haven't jumped his bones yet!"_

_Her comment caught me completely off guard, "Excuse me?"_

"_Well it's true," she shrugged innocently. _

_I searched my brain for some kind of coherent answer; what would even make her think such a thing… "I thought you hated Damon Caroline."_

"_Don't get me wrong he's still a huge dick, but he's different…" she paused thoughtfully, scrunching her nose, "Ish…at least around you anyway." _

_She grinned as I stared at her like she had grown a second head._

"_And seriously," she continued, "Any bad boy like Damon that hasn't taken advantage of his brother's vulnerable ex-girlfriend for over a year now is really just a sweetie on the inside," she winked. _

_I blinked at a loss for words; did the council replace the vervain in the water supply with crazy pills or was it just me…_

"_So why haven't you?" she continued on her ridiculous rant, "Acted on your feelings I mean?"_

_I stared blankly at her, were we really going to do this right now. Her grin widened as she waited… I guess we were. _

_I opened my mouth to actually answer her, but I didn't really have one. I didn't even know…_

"_It's complicated Caroline," I sighed, giving up, as I sat onto the stairs._

_She sat beside me and grabbed my hands, "Life is complicated Elena, but it doesn't mean we should deny and ignore the things that make it that way."_

_I sighed and dropped my gaze into my lap, "I know…"_

"_You know Elena," she began slowly, "Maybe Damon is the exact distraction you need to get out of this Stefan misery and back to being you."_

_My eyes widened, "No Caroline!" I hissed, "I can't use him like that! He's not the next best thing that I can play with until I'm finally ready to move on from Stefan. He's not some toy I just throw away after I find a new one!"_

_I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through my nose, calming myself before I whispered the last of my thoughts, "He means more to me than that Caroline…" I trailed off, what _did_ he mean to me?_

_She got off the stairs and crouched in front of me, locking her eyes onto mine. "Elena," she said seriously now, "If you're this worried about using him and hurting him because you're under the impression that he's simply 'the next best thing', then you're completely delusional."_

_Ouch. Thanks Caroline._

"_Please believe me when I say that you are completely ready for this," she paused, letting me absorb her words, "You and Damon have been a long time coming sweetie, and I think it's time you try it out," She gently squeezed my hands._

"_But Caroline –"_

_She cut me off, "No buts Elena. Just listen to your all-knowing best friend and you'll be fine!" She smiled gently as she pulled me to my feet, "Now let's get going, alright? You only turn 20 once!"_

_She let me grab my purse before pushing me out the door and into her car. Surprisingly we drove in silence, but I was sure she was letting me think about her words and what to do about them, and for that I was thankful. _

_I thought I knew what I was doing this whole time, but now I wasn't sure. I distanced myself to protect him from harm, to protect his steady heart from my unstable one, but was I right in doing that? Was I right in denying whatever was going on between Damon and me right after my eyes had been opened to it just because I was too scared to face the truth? Even after Stefan came back and I, more or less, literally slammed the door on our relationship, I still couldn't face reality. I still couldn't accept my feelings for Damon even though I knew they were there because I feared the unknown. The unknown and uncertainty that came as a package deal with the notorious Damon Salvatore. _

_Was I read for that leap of faith?_

_As we pulled up in front of the boarding house I felt my heart pounding loudly in my chest. I hadn't been this nervous around Damon in a very long time._

_I looked over at Caroline and she smiled, "I'll be in the car,"_

_I nodded slowly before stepping out the door. Each step I took towards the boarding house represented something different._

_Right. Wrong. Selfish. Selfless. Now. Later. Yes. No…_

_I opened the door and made a beeline to the living room, only to find the wrong brother by the alcohol._

"_Stefan!" I breathed. _

"_Hello Elena, what are you doing here?" he said edgily._

"_I was looking for Damon," I answered automatically as I searched the room, "Stefan what the hell are you doing out from the basement?"_

_He smirked slightly and took a couple of steps towards me, "Damon lets me out sometimes when you're not in the house as a reward for good behaviour." _

_I backed away from him, I hadn't spoken to Stefan without the concrete door between us since he checked into Vampire Rehab three months ago, and I didn't feel safe without it. _

"_Why not when I'm in the house?" I asked slowly as I felt the wall behind me._

_He grinned as I saw his eyes roam my body and rest over the area of my very exposed neck, "Let's just say the temptation would be overpowering."_

_My breath hitched._

"_You look beautiful Elena," he whispered as he licked his lips, "Delicious…" he trailed off as his eyes darkened._

_Before I could even scream, a blur flashed past my eyes and Stefan flew into the wall._

"_What are you doing?" Damon growled before grabbing Stefan and sped towards the basement._

_I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding as I stood frozen by the wall. How could Damon have been so arrogant to think that letting Stefan out and not even watching over him was a good idea! When I could move once more, I went to the couch, sat down and crossed my arms to wait for Damon. _

"_He didn't even put up a fight," Damon said as he entered the room, "He did tell me to tell you he was sorry thought, and that it was just the cravings talking."_

_I scoffed as he poured a drink, "Maybe if Steffie had drank his Bambi blood bags like a good boy when I gave them to him instead of pouting like a two year old he wouldn't have been so blood crazy," he shrugged before downing his drink and walking to sit next to me on the couch, "Either way, when I gave them to him this time he drank them without even whining about the taste." He smiled at me, "So how are you." _

_I don't think I could have stopped the outburst if I had tried. _

"_What the hell Damon!" I shouted as I got off the couch, "When did we agree that Stefan got day passes from Ripper Rehab!"_

"_Well it's not like you were supposed to be home tonight," he said as he got off the couch as well._

"_So it's my fault I was almost sucked dry?" I hissed as I crossed my arms._

_Damon opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out as his eyes traveled down my body. "What the hell are you wearing," he growled._

_I looked down at the deep purple mid-thigh dress and black pumps Caroline had bought me, confused, "My party dress?" What did my dress have to do with anything?_

"_You're wearing that to Caroline's?" he said slowly._

_I stared at him, "I think the old age is getting to you Damon because I did tell you Caroline was throwing me a party at the Grill."_

_His eyes bulged, "You're going to the Grill dressed like _that?_"_

_I placed my hands on my hips, "So?"_

"_So," he growled as he moved forward and grabbed my hands, "Do you have any idea what kinds of people go to the Grill late at night?"_

_I could pick out the caring and concern behind the anger of his words, but I didn't understand why they needed to be there._

"_Considering it's the only social establishment and bar in Mystic Falls, I'm going to say a lot of people," I answered sarcastically as I reclaimed my hands. _

_He rolled his eyes, "People like me Elena."_

_I snorted, "So you mean the town has all turned into Jerky Vampire Assholes?"_

_I saw a smirk pass across his face before he looked at me seriously, "No Elena. People like me that will take one look at you tonight and they will never be able to get over how beautiful and sexy you look in that dress." _

_My breath hitched in my throat and my heart skipped a beat. Did he just say that? His eyes bore deep into mine, as if they were searching my soul. I felt my insides warm and squirm simply from the intensity of his gaze._

"_And unlike me," he continued as both of his hands cupped my face, "They won't understand what you're going through. They won't understand that even if you are the strongest person they've ever met, that you're not strong enough to let go of Stefan so easily. They won't appreciate every moment they have with you even if they're only a friend. And they sure as hell will never love you the way I love you." _

_I was absolutely paralysed; I knew this because if I wasn't my jaw would have been on the floor. I almost turned to mush and melted into his arms until my mind reminded me of the anger I was feeling three minutes ago. I should have been mad now from his words that meant no other man would be good enough for me except him, but I couldn't be mad because I don't even think he thought he was good enough for me either._

_His thumbs stroked my face gently during the silence as he continued his assault on my eyes, was he waiting for me to respond?_

_I tried to tear my eyes from his sink pools but they held me still, mesmerizing me with the different shades of blue found throughout them. Only when he blinked could I drop my gaze and escape his trance, only now my eyes studied his lips. Slightly parted, I could smell the sweet stench of bourbon on his breath that intoxicated my mind, only to trap me once more. Adrenaline and lust rushed through my veins as I thought about what they would taste like. I bit my lip and, like a magnet, his eyes captured mine again._

_Not a word had been spoken, but so much was said._

_The man in front of me loved me, maybe even more than Stefan did, but I always thought I was keeping him at arm's length to protect him. The truth; he had been keeping me at arm's length to protect me, hoping one I would be ready to close the distance. _

_I breathed in deeply before I exhaled his name, preparing to step forward _

"_Dam—" _

"_Elena what's taking soooo," Caroline stopped short as she took in our positions, "_Oh…_" she trailed off with guilt on her face._

_I heard Damon groan in displeasure and it was then that I realised the distance between us had grown substantially. I must have pushed away from him…_

_Caroline quickly covered her eyes and turned on her heel, "I wasn't here! I didn't get out of the car! Pretend I saw nothing! Carry on!" she squealed. _

_I looked back at Damon, but his eyes narrowed as he watched Caroline run out the door. My mind now clear of Damon's influence, I knew I needed to get out of the house and think seriously about what I was doing. I grabbed my purse and made to follow Caroline out the door._

"_Where are you going," he called after me._

_I stopped at the door with my hand on the doorknob, "To my party."_

"_I can't protect you while I'm stuck here with broody Stefan."_

_I sighed and turned to face him and smiled, "I'll be fine Damon, I mean I think I did pretty well keeping you at bay when you first came to Mystic Falls right?"_

_He grinned and I was sure he was remembering all of his antics. _

_I turned away from him and opened the door. As I stepped outside he called my name again, "Elena."_

_I looked back at him, not entirely trusting the strength of my voice._

"_Happy birthday."_

"_Thanks you," I whispered before shutting the door._

_I ran quickly to the car and got inside as Caroline began apologizing profusely._

"_Elena I am so so so so sorry! I thought maybe something happened because I could hear nothing coming from the house for a really long time except your heartbeat!" _

_I looked down into my lap and sighed, "Don't worry Caroline it was just a mistake. Let's just go."_

"_Elena…" _

"_Please just go," I insisted again as I leaned my head against the window. _

_She started the car and drove to the Grill. The whole ride there I remembered very little of what I was thinking. Only one small sentence stuck out in my mind, so much meaning behind it._

They will never love you the way I love you.

_What was I doing to us both?_

_Caroline parked the car before turning to me, "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_I shook my head._

_She waited a moment, "What would have happened if I didn't walk in Elena?"_

_I rolled my eyes, so much for not talking about it. _

"_Please, I'm trying to help you," she insisted._

_I sighed, "I was going to kiss him…" Without a doubt I was going to. _

_Her eyes widened, "Would you have regretted it Elena? Would you have felt guilty that it wasn't Stefan?"_

_I thought for only a moment, "No." I said with confidence. _

"_Then don't beat yourself up about this," she said kindly, "If there is no guilt or regret for your actions, than maybe that means they are the right ones." _

_She looked me in the eye and I nodded slowly before she continued._

"_But Elena, know that if that guilty regret ever does creep up, that maybe this thing between you and Damon wasn't meant to be, okay?"_

_She gave me a small smile before grabbing my hand, "Now I want you to just forget everything for tonight and leave all the Damon Drama in the car so we can go have a hell of a time at your party, okay?"_

_Maybe she was right; maybe I was ready for this. _

_Maybe I wasn't scared of the unknown and uncertainty._

_Maybe I was finally ready to just face the world head-on, guns blazing; only thinking of Damon and me and not caring what others might think._

_Us._

_I grinned at her, "Let's get this party started."_

* * *

><p><strong>Like I said, Elena had a lot to say.<strong>

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